(Never could we have found guidance, had it not been for the guidance of Allah." (Surah Al-A'raf: 43"

Sometimes I feel like the reason I go through spiritual lows is just so I can remember exactly this.

There’s truly nothing like being connected to Him, and yet it’s so easy to slip. It’s so easy, despite knowing how much the connection can change lives and mend hearts. Despite knowing that without Him, everything’s dull. And yet, every time I feel that connection, I mistakenly assume it’s me; I put in the effort, I built my new habits. I was able to control my desires. It’s always, subconsciously, me. And yet those lows often come along to remind me I never have anything to do with it.

I’m never responsible for the energy He sends along that allows me to do the things I‘m able to do, for that connection to grow. He wakes me up to pray. He reminds me to turn back to Him when I’m not okay. He sends me signs, and allows me to notice the magic within each of them. He brings me closer to those who continue to remind me of Him. He gives me the opportunity to continue learning more about Him. And every heartwarming feeling that emerges out of any of this, is only there because He plants its seeds inside. And then allows me to experience it.

It’s never me. It’s never my discipline. It’s never my own will. And I’m grateful I still get to experience those lows so I can always remember, it’s only Him.

October 29, 2020