I’ve asked this question on Instagram yesterday, and the responses were really touching.

They included failure, doubt, loss of oneself or people (to death or to life). Ending up alone. Holding onto what’s not meant to last. Not pleasing God or making it to Jannah. And my favorite was: stumbling upon cardamom while having food. I could find pieces of myself in each of those answers, and it felt very… “human”, to be sharing those fears with others.

Despite them sounding different, it almost felt like we’re all scared of the same thing: Not being in control.

Our fears almost always revolve around things that are way beyond our control, or things that remind us we are not in control, never were and never will be.

Death screams it so loud; we never have a say in who stays and who leaves. Losing people hurts just as bad every time, no matter how much we get used to watching them walk away. Watching everyone get to places while we feel behind, can eat up the sane parts of our brains. Falling back into the same sin, makes us stop at “God severely punishes”, and forget how He’s the most Merciful and Forgiving of all.

Everything reminds us: we are not in control.

We’re not in control of our fears, and yet we allow them to control our actions/thoughts.

We unconsciously push people away, because what if they’re not meant to stay?

We decide not to pursue our passions, because what if we turn out to suck at them anyway?

We stop turning back to Him, because how can He continue forgiving when we’ve already gone astray?

We settle for less than what we deserve, because what if we find no one by our sides when we’re old and grey?

But does the fear of swallowing up something that tastes so bad, stop us from touching food every day?

I feel like our fears mostly stem out of things we deeply love and enjoy. It always somehow gets in the way. Maybe that’s what we can try more of: allow ourselves to enjoy the good parts of whatever life brings, regardless of the what-ifs. Let more things just be. Fall in love with more people. Get attached. Make mistakes. Feel the warmth of our souls eventually finding their way.

For this, was never meant to be our final destination anyway.

Written on: January 24, 2020