When I first started this page, I used to make use of some of my old pieces that I’ve written over the years. I’d post them here whenever I didn’t have the time to think of/write something new. I’d simply journal a little something on the side, and edit another old piece for posting, just so I wouldn’t mess with the daily routine. I’ve been getting the urge to do the same lately, so I took the time to go through old writings that I haven’t posted before, and it made me realize that that’s something I’ll probably never be able to do again.

Every time I attempt to write, I keep noticing there’s this thing inside my head that makes me feel I must have already written something similar a hundred times before. I always get the feeling that my thoughts are repetitive, that my creativity has some stiff limits, that there really isn’t anything “new” about the things I experience and go through. It’s almost like I keep going through more or less the same things, with the same feelings and pretty much the same realizations too. Until I really took the time to go through some very old writings, and I realized that’s nowhere near true!

I did come across some pieces that I couldn’t believe I’ve written, but none of them felt “shareable.” I mean, they did express many thoughts, ideas and feelings quite eloquently, yet I could clearly see that very little of them matched where I am now, or what I believe in. And that’s when I realized that yes, I might be using the same words and phrases from time to time, but the ideas themselves keep evolving in a way that’s very hard to pick up if I’m not paying enough attention. I read through pieces from 2-3 years back and I could tell they were written before I witnessed certain phases and events, because if I were to go back and write them after knowing what I know now, they would’ve come out very differently. And well, I found that beautiful. Because I often surprise myself by how much I’m growing and maturing, but I’m hardly able to identify exactly what is it that has changed.

It only really works when you look back at the very tiny details. Because changes aren’t only reflected in the way you look, talk or interact with the world. Most of the powerful changes actually happen deep down inside, where no one gets to see. They might be reflected on the outside, but if you get to look at yourself in the mirror every morning, you’ll hardly notice a difference compared to the night before. Change is very gradual, and it happens in the tiniest chunks – despite how we like to believe otherwise. And it’s still true; we often get to experience the very same feelings and thoughts throughout life, maybe just in different contexts. What makes each of them unique at the end of the day is, our ever-growing capacity that allows us to look at them from different perspectives every time. Depending on the people we’re surrounded with, the ideas we have about ourselves, the walls and layers we’ve built or let go of, and many other temporary factors that also get to change over the years.

And so that’s one thing (among so many!) that I’ll forever admire the act of writing for. It’s such an incredible blessing that can allow humans to *literally* watch themselves grow. (: