Untangle the mess
The words you don’t get the chance to say, they don’t just fade away.
Every word you’ve heard the voice in your head repeat but never got to witness it reach your tongue, it doesn’t just get lost or disappear. It never leaves your body, and possibly not even your mind. It gets stuck. Stuck with your worries about what could’ve happened if you had let it out. Stuck because you really wanted to let it out, but gave in to the what-ifs instead.
You wanted to say I love you, but you didn’t want to sound too much. You wanted to express how badly their not being there has deeply wounded you, but it came out as no worries, I hope you had fun. You wanted to let them know they’ve turned you into your own worst bully with every piece of you they couldn’t accept, but you still feel guilty over hurting back those who’ve only constantly cut you to the heart. You start walking away, as all that remains unsaid continues slipping through the voids they (created and) left behind. Pulling you down. Pushing you away, with every trigger you’re not aware of. Alienating you from everyone around. Alienating you from your very own breath. Nothing comes in or out. Not even the air finds a way inside. And yet you’re so oblivious to the damage, you’ve become one.
Only until someone comes along, gently pushes through your lungs, and the next day you realize you’ve developed an unprecedented lump in your throat that’s made up of everything you never said.
Will you allow them to help you untangle the mess?
