Every time I put down my phone, I can’t help but think: it’s too scary to ever bring children to this world. This has always been such a scary thought. Yet with all that I keep scrolling through lately, it has never felt ‘scarier.’

I watch little kids everywhere I go, and I secretly envy them for how oblivious they are to what goes on around. The way I once was. My mind then takes me to all the scary places. Where they’d possibly grow into traumatized beings, who might find it hard to heal from things they’ll never have a say in. It breaks my heart to realize I’m part of a society that only stimulates the possibility of similar scenarios, and even more. I know God is fair; it’s the one thing that keeps me going. But humans aren’t. We so aren’t fair.

We’re full of greed, corruption, and a constant irrational need to satisfy our desires regardless of the means. Not because we’re inherently bad. But because this is how our world suddenly seems to operate. It forces everyone to let go of so many pieces that they’ve wanted nothing more than to continue holding on to. For there’s hardly room for even a slight sense of innocence anymore. None of it helps deal with the extremely messed up mentalities of the world. And somehow, we end up going after things we never even wanted, too. Not entirely realizing that our choices and decisions have an impact on more than just our tiny little circles. Not realizing that it’s all merely a ripple effect, that’s never really meant to find an end.

I’m not sure if any of this makes sense outside my head. All I know is, the world currently feels too big for me. Too intense. Too overwhelming, and too paralyzing. That I hardly see any point in bringing in more people to eventually traumatize even more than we all already are.

Basma Zaki