It’s okay. The magic of assuring yourself that it’s okay. Things can go wrong, life can take unexpected turns, but as long as you remember to remind yourself that it’s okay, it’ll be okay.

As I started understanding more about the voices inside my head, I decided to make it a habit to say “it’s okay” for every time I did/said/experienced something I knew my usual self would overthink for the rest of the day. Before I started blaming myself for losing something precious, I’d tell myself that it’s okay. Before I started feeling bad about not being able to comfort a friend when they needed me, I’d quickly remind myself that it’s okay. Before I started doubting myself for not being up to a job I was given at work, I’d assure myself that it really is okay. I just made sure it was my first reaction to whatever was going on.

Until I started feeling the thoughts inside my head get confused. My mind would initially insist that it’s certainly not okay, because of how the consequences were obviously going to be terrible. But as I continued repeating it, even while completely realizing that my mind’s probably right, the voices inside started getting softer. They were still there, but they were no longer as loud as they’d always been.

It took me some time to realize that it wasn’t about the thoughts in my head, as much as it was about me: I was scaring myself. For the longest time, I had been scaring myself so bad that my thoughts were almost always a cry for help because they knew I’d shortly start mentally beating myself up. They’d witnessed so much self-loathing, blame, guilt and self-imposed anxiety, that they were literally scared of me. It was scarier to realize that I was the reason behind it all.

After a couple of “it’s okays”, I started feeling the voices in my head holding in their breaths. They were still there, but it felt like they were somehow pausing everything inside just to make sure that what was happening out there was real. They wouldn’t talk back, they’d just stay silent. I could feel them watching me. Until one day, I did something terrible and was just about to prove to all those voices that it’s not going to be safe inside anytime soon, but then I remembered to say it, and watched me as I unconsciously gave myself a pat on the shoulder for it - literally. Magic.

I slowly started giving myself more pats on the shoulder, and I started feeling calmer around myself. My insides eventually started feeling safe about being where they are, because no one was making them feel bad about their mere existence anymore. More precisely, because “I” wasn’t making them feel bad about their mere existence anymore. I still get anxious. I still have my bad days. I still screw up and ruin a lot of things. But at least I know that at the end of the day, I’d be going home to someone who understands.

That assurance. That comfort. That safety. It doesn’t change everything, but it does change something. I know it’s not always as easy as it sounds; self-talk takes a lot to alter - but working on it is the most beautiful thing you can ever offer yourself. Tell yourself that it’s okay more often. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder when things get tough. Remind yourself that everything will be fine. Because you deserve that.