The moment you realize that the lives of people you (used to) know, aren’t put on hold while you're not around to witness them.

I scroll through my feed.

I scroll through my feed, and I come across the profile of someone I haven’t spoken to in years.

“Woah, this person still exists?” is all I can think of. As if everyone else’s lives cannot resume when they stop being part of mine.

I go through their pictures, and it takes me a few minutes before I stumble upon one from a time when I was still around.

They look different, I can no longer tell if their smile is genuine or if they’re only faking it. I know none of those faces they now pose with, I don’t know if they’re okay about being part of those circles. They’ve already taken off their hijab, and I wonder if there’s a story behind it. They’ve met someone. Oh, wow. Reminds me of all the stories I was once the only ear that got to hear about them. Did they finally find what they’re looking for, or are they merely settling? This location’s familiar, I check the date and it turns out we were both at the same place, around the same time while neither of us knew about it. Would it have made any difference if someone had told us?

I jump over to our messages history. The last text, they’ve sent it. And I never responded. Why didn’t I? Was this the reason why we never interacted after? I scroll up and it doesn’t look like it. Our conversation already sounded different. You can often tell when things are about to end, can’t you? The flow’s missing. The answers no longer precede the questions. It’s not like you’re uncomfortable being there, but you’re not that comfortable either. Would it have made any difference if I had remembered to text back on that last encounter?

I go back to their profile, and I come across a recent video. My fingers hovers over the screen, am I ready to watch them come to life? I hold my breath, and I hit play. What in the world is this? A voice that’s so familiar, coming straight out of a face I’m unable to recognize for the first few seconds. Their laughter lingers at the back of my mind for a while, but I still can’t tell what’s happening. They’re no longer them, but they still carry so many of their old pieces. I look up and there’s my own face in the mirror. Will they be able to tell who I am if they got to see it?

I spend a few more minutes going through their recent posts and laughing at the memes they’ve shared. My phone rings and I’m slowly sucked back into reality. Well, my life hasn’t been put on hold all those years either.

It feels weird having been in the presence of someone who might’ve also wondered if I still existed at some point. It feels weird having felt connected to them for a couple of minutes, while I probably didn’t even cross their mind for a second. It’s weird realizing everyone will continue moving forward, even when I’m not there to witness it.