I rarely ever close tabs on my laptop. Sometimes I keep them so I’d get back to them later. Sometimes I get used to their presence. Sometimes I just forget. There’s always some reason. But every once in a while, my laptop crashes or my fingers accidentally hit a button, and I lose them all. Today witnessed one of those. All my open tabs vanished within seconds. And surprisingly, I didn’t even flinch. I tried to remember why I had so many of them open in the first place. I tried to remember if I had precisely been keeping something important there. But I couldn’t think of any.

I opened a new browser. It felt so good to be starting with one single tab again. It felt light. It felt weird. It reminded me of everything else I tend to keep in my life so aimlessly. Sometimes because I think I’ll possibly need it one day. Sometimes because it doesn’t feel right to just throw it away. Sometimes because it’s been there long enough that I can no longer think of a reason why it shouldn’t stay. Yet sometimes, when I randomly lose it, I get to physically feel its absence making room for something else I didn’t realize I needed. A new feeling. A lot more deeper breathing. Something that just wouldn’t have emerged, had I continued holding on so tightly. Not even knowing why.