Normal doesn’t exist
I used to think something was inherently wrong with me. Everyone around seemed to be doing just fine. All the time. But me. I got anxious over the littlest things. I sounded very awkward on every first encounter, and maybe even those that came after. I could hardly ever think of the right thing to say on most conversations. But everyone around really seemed to be just fine. Everyone was normal. I wasn’t.
Until I stopped living inside my head, for the most part.
I realized that normal, really, does not exist.
Hidden exists. Concealed exists. Unnoticed exists. Accepted, also exists.
But normal, no. It doesn’t.
As I was slowly learning to stop letting people (and myself) intimidate me, I started being able to spot very little details that I hardly paid attention to earlier. I would be talking to someone, for instance, and they’d continue avoiding eye contact all through the conversation. I would be discussing a certain something with someone else, and notice their ears turning red every time I bring the topic up. I would stand close to someone who’s known to give the best speeches, and watch their hands literally shaking every minute of them doing it. I would take selfies with a friend I’ve always thought had the most beautiful features, and have her ask me to delete them every single time. I would hear more people stutter. I would notice more faces turning red. I would have people share with me they’ve started therapy, only after I share my story with them.
And while there’s nothing wrong about any of that, it only helped me understand that not knowing about things doesn’t mean they don’t exist. As cliché as this might already sound, everyone is going through something. Literally everyone. Everyone struggles with thoughts they, themselves, might or might not be aware of. But the struggle is constantly there, it’s an essential part of life. Sometimes you’re too occupied to notice it in others. Sometimes people are very skilled at hiding it. And sometimes they are at so much peace with themselves, that it allows you to see them for who they really are despite whatever they struggle with. “Normal” (or “abnormal”, for that matter) will just never be the right word to describe any of this.
Understanding this about people is not meant to make us think differently about one another. It’s only a reminder to always be kind. To always remember that we have no idea what happens behind the scenes. To always have it in us to find excuses for everyone nonetheless. Because we’re all only humans after all.
I still get anxious over the littlest things. I still turn awkward in social settings. I still find it hard to say the right things. My face also turns red, and I sometimes have a hard time maintaining eye contact with most people. But I no longer think of any of them as flaws. It’s simply who I am; a human, after all.
