My Old Journals
Re-reading my old journals isn’t always exactly a “joy”, but it still is one of my favorite things to do and it always leaves me with in awe.
Sometimes my younger self has things to say that fit right into that spot inside my heart that I know no other person could’ve ever had access to. Just reading her words can be the most reassuring thing on some of my darkest days. Because she knows. She’s been there. And she’s made it through. Sometimes my younger self fills my heart with hope, through the most unexpected ways. 🤍
Sometimes I’m able to connect with versions of me that were once too constrained by my fears and insecurities. Even when I can tell they still exist somewhere inside, I get to smile upon realizing they no longer have the same power over me. I smile upon realizing that my younger self has put in some real effort to work on her inner world, so that I’d end up at a much better place today. So that I’d be able to grow, connect with my outside world too – and most importantly, breathe. Sometimes it makes me wish I’d make my future self this content (and proud) one day.
And sometimes it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes I skip through the pages because it can physically hurt. When I remember those details I never had the courage to share with anyone because of all the shame. When I can clearly spot the same patterns, and highlight the issues I thought I would’ve been over by now. When I realize that the same things that used to get to me, still very much do.
Yet it’s often a reminder that this journey I’ve embarked on, will always have its highs and lows. This decision, to acknowledge the existence of all what I’ve been trying to turn a blind eye to, isn’t the easiest – but it’s very much needed. And just like I’m able to flip through some of those pages and notice some progress, it’s okay to accept that there are other pieces that will need more of my attention as I go, because I’m human after all. And I’m allowed to celebrate how far I’ve gone, despite knowing how far it still is from where I want to be. (:
P.S. Please do your future self a favor, and maybe…write her a love letter today. 🥰
