My heaven
Last night, I was sitting at the backseat of a car next to my sister, with absolutely no idea where we were heading. It all happened so fast, for in a couple of minutes, I heard a crash and felt like my soul was literally being sucked out of my chest. I was irresistibly being separated from the world, but it wasn’t anywhere near painful. In fact, it was too peaceful to be true. I did not feel in control and it felt too beautiful to have someone finally assuming responsibility over the body and soul I thought I once owned.
A few minutes passed, and we both found ourselves in an exquisitely decorated room, with our eldest sister lying on her bed, looking like an indescribable piece of art. She was delighted to see us and eagerly wanted to share everything she had come to discover about that place ever since she arrived. She offered us chocolate, and it was extremely mouthwatering. Unlike any chocolate we had ever tasted before, that we couldn’t stop grabbing more out of a box that seemed to refill itself the more we ate.
I looked down for a second and realized I was barefoot, with no idea how it actually happened. Before I could do anything about it, my sister told me to let my mind wander to any pair of sandals that I had previously always wanted. I did, and it was a matter of seconds before a pair of elegantly shiny black sandals appeared beneath my feet. It was even better than magic, that my mind had to spend the next hour wanting things and watching them appear even more charmingly than I imagined.
It was just like the good old days; the three of us hanging out together in a room where nothing seemed more entertaining than our own company, besides our instantly fulfilled needs and thoughts. We talked about everything and nothing, yet the best of all was when my eldest sister rhetorically asked “Can you guys imagine we get to stay here forever?!”
“Forever?!” I surprisedly asked. “Oh God, I’d never get bored of this place. Are you sure though?”
“Yup,” she said with a smile breaking through her face, “Not even for the rest of our lives, but for eternity. We never ever leave.”
My eyes began to water and I started thinking about all the things I had previously planned to do the minute I made it here. I was about to start screaming after an endless flow of thoughts conquered my head, when I clearly heard the sound of dripping water falling down my AC and onto an already wet floor. I opened my eyes to find myself back in my worldly room, with my hands holding on to an extravagant phone, in the same position I had fallen asleep the previous night.
I hurriedly ran to the washing room to bring a bowl for the dripping water, and sat back on the floor next to the sound that brought me back to a world I no longer wanted to belong to. I watched as the drops of water continued falling, and remembered the aesthetically heartwarming waterfalls lying outside our room just a few minutes ago that we were almost planning to get a closer look at from outside, right before my mind decided to bring me back. Guess it couldn’t completely handle such a heavenly experience.
I continued watching the splashing water drops hitting the edges of the bowl, thinking about how very innocent my subconscious mind seemed. How it defined my heaven as spending some quality time with my distant sisters in such a magical room. How it didn’t wonder for a second why I particularly deserved to be in such a place, and not in a rather nearby hellfire. How it made it all feel so smooth, not realizing how much it already sins every day, that the journey couldn’t possibly just end this way.
I woke up to the sound of a loud TV, where my dad was listening to news about a UK voting to leave an EU – where the whole world actually was; none of them completely realizing that a few layers above those skies lies a beautiful heaven that we hardly allow ourselves to think about amid that much of our worldly concerns and humanly imposed borders across countries.
I woke up wanting to write about the heaven my soul was loudly yearning to get another glimpse at, not realizing I almost missed the Dhuhr prayer while daydreaming about its beauty. Not realizing the amount of the supposedly good deeds I think I do every day, while they might only be bringing me further away from Him.
I woke up not wanting to be here, but feeling too heavy at the thought of all the things I needed to do to not be here. I woke up wondering why He decided to show me a dream as troubling as this, at a time when I wasn’t really the best I could be. I woke up wondering if I truly wanted all this to come to an end, for in all seriousness, I have absolutely no idea where I’d end up being if it finally came true.
