I could almost swear I saw your tears fighting against your eye lids, silently pleading to let them go. I could swear that the only reason behind you struggling with your every sentence, was because your mind was trying so hard not to choose the words that would trigger more tears, and have them involuntary making their way down your tomato-ish face.

I wish you knew that at this very moment, I wished for nothing more than knowing I was allowed to give you the hug you so badly craved. I wanted to be the shoulder that your tears would feel so comfortable landing over. I wanted to be your hiding place that you’ve never given any person a chance to be. I only wanted to comfort you.

I wanted to let you know that even if I couldn’t understand any of what you were going through, I still understood how hard it is to go through it on your own. I wanted to be there for you, but instead, you put on your serious face, pretended to be the strong person I’ve always grown to know, and took away all my chances of trying to relieve the pain in you.

I wish you didn’t have to pretend to be that strong person, because I know you’re only doing it for me. I wish you understood how heartbreaking it is for me to know you do have a vulnerable side hiding inside, and that you’re only refusing to let it out because this is not how you should look like in front of me. I wish you knew how much a look in your eyes brings me pain, for I can see a whole different world locked up behind them, and I know I’d still never be allowed in.

I wish I had the keys to your secret world. But more than anything, I wish you’d be the one handing them to me one day.

Written on: January 4, 2014

Basma Zaki