Today was the last day of my Week 1.

This was one of the most overwhelming weeks of my life. On a personal level, and on a global one just as much. When I checked in to see how I feel on the inside, I realized I‘m calm and at peace. I believe it’s largely because of the book.

This week was about recovering a “sense of safety”; primarily on creativity, but it kind of leaked into other aspects of my life. I spent more time writing, reflecting and creating. On some days, it felt like I‘m living in denial. Yet every morning, I‘d pour my thoughts out on paper and realize how aware I actually am of every little thing, and how I’m rather allowing myself to deal with it the way she wants. On so many of those days, I felt I must be judged for how much I’m living inside my head at a time like this. Yet I let myself just be. On other days, my anxiety about possibly contracting the virus reached its peak, I felt like locking myself inside forever. And yet I decided to be vocal about it, which allowed others to step in and help. And on some other days, I had no idea where my life’s going. I was lost. I had to pour this one out in prayers and wait for Divine intervention.

It’s that “safety” that kept me going.

Understanding that even if I feel I’m being judged, I’m not judging myself for it. Instead, every task on the course-book brought me closer to my inner self. It’s not just that I wasn’t judging her; I was actually loving her. Which made her feel safe.

Sitting down with people who care, letting out my every fear to those who offered to really listen, and allowing them to give me a pat on the shoulder even when they had nothing to say. That felt even safer.

Turning back to God, admitting I have zero control, and finding it in me to leave it all to Him. Nothing can describe the ultimate level of safety this can bring. He’s been sending signs. He’s been talking to me. He’s been listening, too. He’s always there. And He has made me feel the safest I could ever be.

When we feel safe, we’re able to create more freely, live more freely, breath more freely, and simply be.

Tonight, I finally feel safe. And I hope this feeling is meant to last with me.

June 25, 2020