It hurts to see them hurting.

It hurts to stand there feeling handcuffed, as you watch them drowning.

Every part of you yearns to physically pull out all that’s wounding them on the inside.

But they won’t let you. They won’t open up. They won’t allow you in. They won’t even acknowledge your hands reaching out to them.

Because maybe, just maybe, you’re trying to help in all the wrong ways. Not that there’s one right way to do it; not that there’s ever a one-size-fits-all approach to lending someone a hand. But there most certainly is a way to try and figure out how it works, for one person at a time.

Without putting yourself in anyone’s shoes, because your feet will hardly ever fit. Without making them feel worse at how your approach seems to work with everyone else but them, because they so simply aren’t everyone else. Without falling into the trap of solely wanting to do things just so you can feel better about yourself, regardless of whether it actually helps or not.

When someone’s in a dark place, they might not always know exactly what they need in order to make it out. Sometimes they’re okay with the pain, because they understand it will eventually fade away at some point. Sometimes they don’t need someone to draw a smile on their face right after they’re done weeping. But sometimes they also do. And sometimes they only need your hand to hold onto, without any attempts to pick them up.

It’s just that, more often than not, getting the wrong kind of help can be a lot worse than not getting any help at all. Sometimes having to go through a tough time, while carrying the burden of someone else’s pain over not being able to help, leaves behind a scar that would forever haunt everyone.

Because just like we hurt differently, we all heal differently, too. And that’s okay. It really is okay.

June 7, 2020