I never, ever, ever, EVER thought I’d say this, but I freaking love grocery shopping.

I love walking into the store knowing that I intentionally chose to do this, instead of possibly spending my week clicking a few buttons on my phone and having the fastest food arriving right at my doorstep in just a couple of minutes. I love doing it out of the realization that my healthy existence matters and that I deserve to be cautiously taken care of in all the right ways even if there’s no one to do it for me. I don’t get people who order their groceries over the phone. Like no, I have to physically hold my stock in between my hands and feel the pleasure of adding it into my cart while imagining scenes of all the possible ways I could serve it later at home. Remembering the things I need for the week without writing lists or checking my remaining stock at home before leaving, is also among the very important superpowers I believe I currently possess.

I love how I can walk into supermarkets initially planning to only buy food, but then walk out with every other non-food grocery item that I did not even realize I needed. I love it when I notice I’m turning into their ideal customer; with every new item I add into my cart, not because I actually need it, but because there was an offer and my mind couldn’t just shush until I make use of it. I love how I make all the possible mistakes that can take place there, yet how I still keep going back again, correcting them every time after.

I love how choosing to walk over to the unhealthy snacks section can tell me a lot about my feelings and suppressed emotions more than anything else. I have left my house on some very late nights just to go grab that family-sized pack of chips I desperately needed to bite on after some tough phases, and likewise, I have felt pain in my stomach upon just crossing those aisles on some other days when I felt like I loved myself way too much to allow something so poisonous to get between her teeth and into her body.

I love going to the same grocery store over and over and over again until I end up knowing by heart where every single item is, the same way I know which kitchen cupboard has my favorite cooking pot at home and which drawer I’ll always find my favorite spoon in. I love it when I take someone to that store later and guide them around the aisles as if I own that place. I also love going to new stores from time to time, realizing that other places do sell my favorite washing soap too and the same brand of yoghurt I’ve always preferred. I love finding things that I’ve originally discovered and fell in love with at my regular store, in other stores around. It’s like some other place shares our secret too, and I love that!

Then there’s that feeling of going back home and feeling the urge to unwrap the bags right away, because I’m too excited to try that new cleaning spray for the first time or put my favorite scented tissue box right back in its place. And that feeling of filling up my fridge again, particularly after a period of being too busy to do anything and having to share my one-night dinner with a couple of my future selves just so I don’t starve to death.

Of course my mind tries so bad to ignore that part when I’m actually required to PAY for my groceries and all those lovely pleasures. But oh well, nothing’s perfect after all.

Basma Zaki