Some younger versions of me would’ve probably frowned upon reading this, but something that I’ve been finding so much comfort in lately is: investing more in relationships where I don’t need to explain myself – relationships with people I have more in common with than disparities.

This started when I came across the community at the Therapeutic Writing Institute (where I study), and for the first time, got to interact with people who are as passionate as I am about exploring the world of journal writing. It was liberating to be around those who just understand, who don’t even need my explanation so they can nod in agreement, they just know.

The more I spent time around them though, and around others who shared my interests, the more I developed a sense of guilt; for not being able to show up for the people in my life the same way I used to. On so many days, my guilt convinced me I’m a bad friend. And sometimes even a generally bad person. I would feel guilty about preferring someone’s company over the other – I didn’t understand it clearly at the time but I just constantly wanted to make room in my life for everyone, and it was so damn exhausting allowing the guilt to be my driving force at a time when I needed to be gentle with myself the most.

My perspective started changing as I got to interact with more of those I have in common with on other aspects, not just writing. Those who are on a similar healing journey. Those who share similar career struggles. Those who have similar spiritual aspirations. Those with a similar relationship status. I was constantly drawn to those I can relate to, and realized it’s what my soul has been longing for. This exact kind of company.

All my life, I used to take pride in my openness to befriend people from different circles and backgrounds, and that my relationships aren’t “all about me.” This year, I’m able to redefine this and release some of that unnecessary pressure. My relationships are in fact allowed to be all about me; when they’re effortlessly all about the other person too! I’ve also learned it doesn’t mean I’m allowed to randomly cut off those I no longer vibe with. I can still exist in people’s lives, just not in the same way, and wisely choose how I’d like to invest my energy.

So my takeaway is: Just like you’re not for everyone, not everyone is meant to be for you and that’s okay. Outgrowing circles is a thing, it doesn’t need to offend anyone. And if finding your tribe is what brings you peace, please don’t allow your younger versions to shame you for not following through with their expectations. We have different needs at different stages, and it’s okay to want to be around those you can relate to. (:

Basma Zaki