My favorite kind of validation is that which comes from inside. When I start feeling a certain feeling then watch myself allowing me to just feel it. Without trying to swallow it in. Without trying to rationalize things. It doesn’t come easy to me on most days. But when it does, it totally warms my insides. Nevertheless, the people in our lives still play an important role on that. I keep talking about instances where I’ve been so harshly invalidated (it makes sense; it does hurt so bad), but it’s just as important to acknowledge the existence of those other blessings God keeps sending along in the form of beautiful (validating) humans.

Rereading the words on those screenshots does something to my insides I can’t really accurately explain.

The first text is from someone I had somewhat started “blaming” most of my issues on ever since I started therapy, and yet when I opened up, the response I got was just super validating. This person did not get defensive, and did not try to come up with excuses for things I might have in fact chosen to interpret in all the wrong ways inside my own head. That appreciation, and the ease with which the apology came right after (despite that none of what I said might have even sounded rational) made up for so many things. Our relationship has only been growing stronger ever since.

The second text came after I had blurted out and complained about things that, for anyone watching from the outside, might sound so trivial. And yet, just having someone acknowledge that it’s okay to let them get to me, helped ease their pain.

The last three texts sound particularly special because they’re totally free of any assumptions/questions. They could’ve said it didn’t make sense for me to be this anxious. They could’ve wondered why it was taking me all that time to get over things they can instantly let go of. They could’ve tried to make me feel better. But they didn’t. They simply allowed (and reminded) me to feel the things I felt. To just be. And it made all the difference in the world.

The reason I’m sharing all this is because we often tend to feel paralyzed whenever someone lets us in on any of their heavy thoughts, or whenever someone close goes through tough times. We often feel stuck. Unable to help. I feel it too. All the time. But whenever I’m on the other side, I realize that all what it can really take is a simple “I’m sorry you have to go through this!”. Sometimes it’s all what a person really needs to hear. Sometimes people complain without needing solutions. Sometimes they ask questions they don’t even expect anyone to have answers for. They’re mostly only looking for validation. And none of it has to sound complicated.

This is also a reminder -to myself before anyone else-, that not everyone will know how to validate. And that’s okay. It’s extremely important to be mindful of who we choose to open up to about the things we feel in the first place, because it’s true that not everyone understands. But there are people out there who do. And if you’re unable to find them just yet, please be this person for others. The world needs more of that.