Eid reflections
Growing up, Eid has always been a pretty big deal to my sister and I. We used to stay up every Eid eve and had our Eid morning rituals, too. It felt so special and I loved being part of everything we planned together. Until she had to move, and Eid hardly felt the same after. l remember clinging onto those memories for years following that; not completely allowing myself to enjoy Eid the way I would’ve hoped for, because I was always busy longing for something I knew I wasn’t meant to experience again.
I don’t quite remember when that feeling started fading away, yet I remember it had to do with eventually getting to spend Eid again with my sister in different settings. Sometimes different cities, sometimes back home yet in some different way. And I‘d realize how my constant wanting-to-rewind-back-to-the-old-days would’ve very much led up to me missing out on all those recent Eids we got to spend together, with all the new feelings they brought along and all what we were able to continue making out of them.
I could still admit to myself that change sucks so bad. It really, truly does. And yet, it has to happen while making room for other beautiful things to walk into my life; things I know I literally wouldn’t trade the world for right now. New experiences. New kinds of memories. New dimensions of our relationship that would’ve never come to life had we been spending Eid together the exact same way every year.
And that’s when it slowly stopped being about my sister, and started being more about how I can make every Eid count in my own special way. Because even if my sister is no longer physically there to celebrate with me, I can still feel her presence inside in everything I do that she has unintentionally taught me. And so Eid is slowly becoming more about the different ways through which I‘m now able to allow myself to experience that kind of happiness I’d been longing for, while being able to look back at the memories and feel a genuine smile break through my face. Because, it’s true; those memories did have a huge impact on who I am today, yet I now realize they shouldn’t stop me from enjoying where I currently am as I make my own way!
Alhamdulillah. (:
