Growing up, I always felt like I’m being rushed into recovery. Even by my own self. With every event that breaks me down, I’d give myself a week or two, then feel like it’s about time to snap out of it, clean my mess, and move forward. Because it’s not like I’ll spend forever trying to heal, right? It always felt like there needs to be a time frame for when everything has to feel okay again.

I fell into the same trap this time, especially with the existence of people who‘d subtly (and unawarely) try proving how my trauma is a lot less intense than what happens to others out there, or what could‘ve possibly happened to me. At some point, it started feeling like I’m overreacting, like I’m not grateful enough it didn’t turn out much worse, like I don’t deserve to take all this time.

And that, I’ve realized, is so much scarier than the actual trauma. Not being allowed enough time and space to process it.

Because, while not every experience has to come along with lessons to be learned, it’s still true that every traumatic event can have a lot to tell us about ourselves. Which is the one thing we try not to dig too much into, in fear of what might come out. And yet, life seems to operate in a way that tries turning our heads back to this all the time.

When we don’t slowly process things, and instead sweep all the little pieces back under the couch or carpet where we can’t see, the universe manages to send along another experience that would force us to get back to them. It keeps upgrading its challenges, in an attempt to bring us back in touch with what really matters, and yet we continue lalala-ing our way through life. Convinced that if we don’t think or speak about the invisible wounds we have, they’d eventually learn to heal themselves.

Fun fact: they never do.

Not until they get the attention they deserve.

So here’s a much needed note-to-self: Please take all the time you feel is necessary to heal. Be it weeks, months, or years. There’s no rule. Take the time to explore. To slowly process it all. And surround yourself with those who can remind you of that, too. Because your mind might start rushing you again. And that’s okay.