إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ ﴿البقرة: 195﴾
Allah loves those who do good

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ التَّوَّابِينَ ﴿البقرة: 222﴾
Allah loves those who repent

وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الصَّابِرِينَ ﴿آل عمران: 146﴾
Allah loves the patient

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ ﴿آل عمران: 159﴾
Allah loves those who put their trust in Him

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُقْسِطِينَ ﴿المائدة: 42﴾
Allah loves the just

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُتَّقِينَ ﴿التوبة: 4﴾
Allah loves the righteous

وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُطَّهِّرِينَ ﴿التوبة: 108﴾
Allah loves those who purify themselves

Every person I ever came across has, at some point, intentionally or unintentionally, made me feel I’m not enough. I’ve had to go out of my way so many times, with so many people, to do things that could at least justify it in my head. That I am enough. That I can give them reasons to like me back. That I can be who they want me to be, if only they give me the chance. Even when they don’t ask for it. I feel the need to convince them to stay. I’ve watched myself do the craziest things just to prove it to them. That I am enough.

And it hurts. Not the consistency of it. But rather the realization that, for some people, no matter what I do, they’ll never make me feel safe about it. They’ll never be convinced I’m enough, and it will show all over their every look, every word, every action. It’ll continue to hurt in ways I never even thought possible.

Yet, I’m so grateful the pain somehow manages to bring me back to Him. It’s my very own reminder that with Him, I never have to prove anything.

I make mistakes, and He still loves me when I repent. He forgives, and doesn’t even mention it when I fall right back again. He knows I’ll eventually sin, and yet when I try to do good, He so warmly reopens His arms for me. He’s always by my side as I try to practice patience. And He loves seeing me try, regardless of the end result. He asks for one tiny act of worship, and rewards me so generously for it. Because He still wants to grant me eternal happiness in the afterlife.

He doesn’t shame me for the things I feel. He doesn’t make me so conscious about the slips of my tongue when my anxiety kicks in. He already knows me inside out. He knows I’m doing my best. He sees me. He sees through me. He sees through my doubts, and He loves me for still choosing to trust in Him despite how illogical it sounds. He knows how hard things can get, and He so gently sends me reminders to cry it out. Cry it out with Him. And only Him. Because He knows everything that my heart is already scared to speak about, and so much more beyond.

He loves me, even when I’m unable to show how much I love Him. For only He truly makes me feel I’m enough, even when I know I totally am not.

September 22, 2020