قال ألم أقل إنك لن تستطيع معي صبرا
Every time I come across this part of Surah Al Kahf, where Al-Khidr has to remind Moses three times that he asked him to stay patient and not ask questions while he follows him until he himself explains it all, a part of me wonders what was really so hard about watching in silence? I mean, sure, the things he saw were mind-blowing, but God did send him there for a reason, and from the way the story’s being narrated, Al-Khidr seems to know what he’s doing, so was it really that hard to stay patient until it’s all revealed later?
It confuses me, and yet I get my answer every time I experience a period of impatience throughout my own life. Because after every one of those, God manages to send me something that totally explains His silence up until it happened. He sends me something to assure me that He really does know what He’s doing and that I simply need to leave it all to Him and stop questioning His every decision. And yet, with every new phase, I go back to my questions. With every new uncertainty, I go back to my impatience. And with every unclear decision He makes for me, I forget all about the previous ones and instead continue to try finding answers.
And it doesn’t just happen three times; for me, it’s a lifelong process.
Realizing this, totally shushes that part of me that feels weird about Moses’ insistence on asking questions. And yet, it feels validating. For if Moses himself, with all the knowledge he had, and all the brilliance he possessed, couldn’t stay patient for a few hours, it kind of makes sense that I get to grow quite impatient sometimes, too. And yet, it’s in those reminders, and in God asking us to recite this Surah every week, that we really get some answers.
