قل إن تخفوا ما في صدوركم أو تبدوه يعلمه الله
there are things i do not know how to ask for, and things i do not even know i need. there are things i need but feel like i do not deserve, so i make sure i do not ask entirely. there are thoughts that cloud my vision – ones that i hold onto tightly. a part of me is scared i would no longer recognize myself if i choose to let go. and so i am unable to think of a version of my story in which i am free of those. it hardly ever crosses my mind that this is one of those things i can pray for.
but He knows. He always does. He knows better than what our tongues can put in words, much better than what our hearts are able to express.
He knows, and so He sends along those little signs. ones that clear my head of the dark thoughts i might not always be aware of. ones that assure me i am on the right track. even when i feel so lost and seriously consider taking the first u-turn back. even when i fail to remember i can always ask for guidance. and that He will always be there. sometimes He does not wait for that, because He knows what we get so worried about openly admitting that we need. He has access to the deepest parts of our souls, and oftentimes that alone is such a comforting thought.
